Wow…that was fun. So, I guess it’s more of a law than a theory—other people’s clutter in our home really is way more annoying than our own.
So now that we know this, what do we do about it?
Well, first off, we need to recognize how universally true this concept is. Virtually everyone agreed with it.
So guess what this means: Your clutter is way more annoying to those you share your home with than it is to you! Ouch.
Now, I realize your kids may not care, but your spouse probably does. And even if he isn’t bothered by your clutter (or wouldn’t admit it), by making our own clutter acceptable, we set the rules of engagement for our entire family. Our actions say “piles are OK” or “shoes in the middle of the floor is how we do it around here” or “clothes almost hitting the hamper is the way to go” and so on.
But that really isn’t what we want, is it? So if we don’t want clutter, we have to start with ourselves and fix our own clutter. Our biggest point of control (possibly our only point of true control, actually) is ourselves. So we have to start with our own clutter first.
In the original blog post, I said that if my own shoes are out it doesn’t bother me; but if my kids are out it does. This was true to an extent. When I find my kids’ shoes are out, I look around and say…what clues are in place from me, right now, that give my kids the idea that this is acceptable? Are my own shoes out? Is there other stuff out and about that makes it seem as if clutter is the status quo around here? If I look around and see no clutter except for their shoes, then I call them on it and ask them to put their shoes away. They do it and often even say “sorry.”
By shifting your focus to yourself and your own clutter, you do a number of things. First, you are now focusing on something you can control—you! And this is very empowering. Second, by clearing up your own clutter you lead by example. You create the rules of engagement for your household and your family.
Once you have your own clutter under control, it is very valid to then ask your family members to get in on the game and follow suit. And if your stuff is all in its designated spot, how can they say no? You’ve taken away their best excuse.
In just a few short weeks, I’ve seen the results: By controlling my own clutter, I have been able to get my family clearing out theirs too! And in a manner that is MUCH more effective than if I had told them what to clean up and throw out. Thanks Aby!
I think I need to get back to pick up time at my house. Last year I had an alarm set on my watch – every night at 7:30 we’d pick up. If we all picked up our clutter at the same time – I couldn’t just grump at the kids. My stuff has to be picked up too.
What’s that saying?…
When you point your finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you.
So true – thanks for the post, Aby!
What a great follow-up post! I think that the idea of examining your own habits, the example you set, is an excellent, conscientious way to parent (it even applies to any relationship).
Great follow up post. Setting an example by doing is certainly important!
Avlor – I love the idea of a nightly clean-up time. It seems mine ends up being after the kids go to bed which means I do all the work! BEFORE bedtime it will be!
Perfect follow-up…leading by example is so powerful and effective. I completely agree with your last statement:
“Once you have your own clutter under control, it is very valid to then ask your family members to get in on the game and follow suit. And if your stuff is all in its designated spot, how can they say no? You’ve taken away their best excuse.”
Well said! As a new blogger on the art of organization, I often struggle with feeling a little guilty talking about certain topics when I know that I need to work on those very same topics too. Thanks for the encouragement!
This is a very important concept and one that I try to follow. I feel that I have mastered any “clutter” I could cause around 90% of my home. However, my office is a disaster. In large part, this is from putting too many things in there I feel I need to find a place for, but haven’t, yet.
I AM frustrated by other items of “clutter” around the house, but will not say anything until my office is straight! So, it is possible I will NEVER mention clutter, at all!
Hi, I´m new on this blog. I am a mother suffering of the clutter left around,not by me. Although I have for years and years showed an example by not leaving my stuff around the house,doing all the cleaning and the editing of stuff nonstop,I just not have been able to courage the other members in my household to do a thing! I have asked,begged and even raised my voice-but nothing seems to work! I have left the `clutter` and waited for my hb and daughters to pick up their belongings,only to find out that nothing has happened. This has been very stressing for me, cause I prefer a tidy home. In the end I am the one who always ends up sorting and cleaning up. WHAT TO DO ?